Amy Souza
“Ray of Hope/Desire”
Ink and pencil on paint chip, with mixed media collage
Response
Jacob’s Daughter
By Amanda Miska
Inspiration piece
.
In high school, my husband was a wrestler.
It still makes me laugh to think of the spandex suits.
Last night, curled into bed, I asked him:
What makes you good at wrestling?
I was doing some research, trying to understand the often-heard phrase
wrestling with God.
He said:
You can be quick or
you can be strong.
But stronger is harder
because of the weight class.
They wrestle people their own size.
We do not.
We all know God is bigger, and stronger, and smarter, and more powerful.
Why wrestle when loss is guaranteed?
It makes more sense to be an atheist.
But I’ve never been logical:
Anyone can tell you that.
It would be easier to believe in nothing.
But something gnaws–
unfinished business or
an open door ahead?
Happier than I’ve ever been, but still
not satisfied.
I’ve climbed through a lot of broken windows.
I can show you the scars
if you don’t believe me.
We grew up being told
If it’s easy, it’s wrong…right?
We grew up being told
God laughs at your plans…but what kind of laugh is it?
A guffaw?
A giggle?
A howl?
A snort?
A silent shake of shoulders?
To live is to want.
I think that’s Buddhist wisdom, but really,
it’s Everyone wisdom.
Desire is just another word for faith,
For wanting something more than what is here,
something more than who you are
right now.
.
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